My husband cheated on me, I don’t want my future child to live in the same house with him

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My husband cheated on me I dont want my future child to live in the same house with him

Victor and I met five years ago, and we’ve been happily married for nearly three. Early in our relationship, I made it clear that cheating was a deal-breaker for me. I told him that if he ever cheated, our relationship would be over, and any communication would only happen through lawyers, especially if we were married or had children. Victor appreciated my honesty and integrity, and for the past five years, we seemed to share a genuinely happy life together. We decided to start a family last year, and I’m currently pregnant, with only 16 weeks left until our baby’s due date. Discovering we were expecting a girl filled us both with joy, especially Victor, who had always dreamt of having a daughter to dote on.

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However, everything changed last weekend. Victor accidentally left his phone in our room when he went to buy groceries. A text notification caught my attention as I was moving his phone to the kitchen — it was from his “work wife,” Alicia, asking, “So the plan’s on?” This prompted me to unlock his phone, something easily done since he uses the same passcode for everything. To my shock, I discovered messages planning to propose an open relationship so he could pursue a relationship with Alicia.

This revelation was devastating. Open relationships, in my experience and from what I’ve heard, often stem from infidelity or the desire to legitimize it. It seemed clear that Victor and Alicia’s intentions went beyond mere friendship.

I took screenshots of their conversation, sent them to myself for evidence, and packed a bag to stay with my older brother, Oliver, who offered support after I confided in him. I left a note for Victor, inventing an emergency at Oliver’s to explain my sudden departure without raising his suspicions. Despite his messages expressing love and concern, I couldn’t face him directly and have Oliver responding on my behalf.

I’m repulsed by Victor’s betrayal. He knew my stance on fidelity yet chose to disregard it. While I’ve yet to confront him, I intend to catch him off guard as he did me, though part of me worries about being petty.

More than anything, I’m concerned about the example Victor’s actions set for our child. I refuse to let my daughter grow up believing it’s acceptable for someone to break a vow of loyalty and fidelity. Regardless of Victor’s attempts at reconciliation, his actions have shown he’s willing to treat our relationship as secondary.

Currently, Victor is trying to reach me, concerned for my well-being. But I’m at a loss for how to proceed. How do I confront him about choosing Alicia over our family and emphasize that I don’t want our child growing up thinking such behavior is acceptable?

Esica’s answer: First off, let me say I’m genuinely sorry you’re going through this, especially at such a sensitive time in your life. Discovering a betrayal of trust, particularly in the context of a marriage and impending parenthood, is deeply distressing. Your feelings of shock, betrayal, and repulsion are completely valid. It’s clear you value honesty, integrity, and loyalty highly, traits that are foundational to any healthy relationship.

Now, let’s talk about how you might approach this situation. It’s crucial to remember that your well-being and that of your unborn child are paramount. While the hurt and betrayal you feel are immense, it’s essential to navigate this situation in a way that prioritizes your emotional and physical health.

Communicating Your Feelings: When you’re ready, and before any decisions are made, it might be beneficial to express your feelings to Victor. This doesn’t have to be a confrontation but rather an honest expression of how his actions have affected you. It’s okay to say that you need time to process your emotions and aren’t ready to discuss future steps yet.

Seeking Support: You’ve already taken a step in the right direction by staying with your brother. Surrounding yourself with supportive family and friends can provide the emotional backing you need. Additionally, consider seeking professional support, such as a therapist or counselor, who can offer neutral, compassionate guidance during this time.

Thinking About the Future: Decisions about your relationship’s future should be made from a place of reflection, not impulse. Take the time you need to consider what you want for yourself and your child. Remember, it’s not petty to want accountability for actions that fundamentally breach the trust in your relationship.

Setting Boundaries: It’s clear that fidelity is a non-negotiable for you. Victor’s intentions to explore a relationship with Alicia, regardless of whether they have acted on those intentions, have already crossed a boundary for you. It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly when you’re ready.

Considering Your Child: It’s admirable that you’re thinking about the example set for your child. As you move forward, whatever decision you make, ensuring that your child grows up in a loving, respectful environment where they learn the value of honesty and integrity is key. This might mean tough decisions ahead, but remember, you’re aiming to build a future that reflects your values.

Legal and Practical Considerations: Given the complexity of your situation, consulting with a lawyer, as you’ve planned, is wise. They can advise you on your rights and the best steps to protect yourself and your child’s future, whether that leads to reconciliation or separation.

In confronting Victor, it might help to focus on expressing your feelings and the impact of his actions rather than seeking to assign blame. This approach can facilitate a more productive conversation, whether it leads to a path of healing your relationship or moving forward separately.

Above all, remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and fidelity, and your feelings are valid. Take care of yourself, seek the support you need, and trust in your strength to navigate this challenging time.

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